The Past Two Weeks

I've started and stopped this post about a dozen times over the past week or so, deleting it because I'm not really sure how to start or what to say.  Personally - and professionally - things have been... I can't even find the right word.  Crazy, emotional, stressful, exciting, and blessed all come to mind - describing both arenas of life.  

So, tomorrow, I'll be starting a new job - same practice area and I'll still be in downtown Minneapolis.  There were a lot of factors that played into this decision, but I'd been unhappy for a while, and I'll just leave it at that.  I started to think that it wasn't worth it to be away from the kids if I wasn't doing something that I loved.  My mother always told me that, if I was happy, the kids would be happy, and I think that's great advice and what spurred the change.  Jeff and I toyed with the idea of having me stay at home, but when I really thought about it, there is so much of my identity tied up in working and being a lawyer.  And, at one time, I really loved it.  So, when I decided that I didn't want to give up my practice, I decided that I needed to change my circumstance.  I hadn't applied for a job in more than eleven years.  My resume held all my old college jobs and internships and, truly, I had no clue where to start.  So, Jeff hooked me up with a guy from law school, whose firm was hiring.  I told him I'd pass along my resume for the hiring committee's consideration.  In any case, back at work, I was walking down the hallway to scan my resume, and I ran into someone who worked at St. Thomas while I was there.  He (who shall remain nameless) was in our offices for a mediation, having returned to the practice of law.  I popped my head in to say hello.  He saw my resume in my hand, and informed me that his firm was looking as well.  So, I submitted my resume to him.  Then we met for coffee and I started the interview process.  I had three interviews in total, the last of which was terrifying.  I met with thirteen of the firm's shareholders - all men - while they grilled me and poked holes into my carefully crafted interview interrogatory responses.  Obviously, I passed since I was offered a job and I'll be starting there tomorrow.  It felt weird, being "unemployed" this weekend.  My phone was unnaturally quiet, and I didn't do any work or review my calendar for the coming week.  I took a picture of my old office before I left... my first one ever.

  

The whole thing - meaning the job search - really restored a part of me that I'd thought had been lost.  For such a long time, I've always thought that, if I wanted something in life, I'd need to work by myself for it - and it never occurred to me to ask anyone for help.  While in and of itself, this is a good life lesson, asking for help is okay too.  And I (re)-learned that.  I was overwhelmed with all the support and assistance offered by everyone - from the people that reviewed my resume, passed along job prospects, offered to serve as references, helped me consider other career paths, and generally, just acted as my sounding board.  My parents acted as my cheerleaders and coaches, both my sympathizers and encouragers.  And my husband worked with me for hours on my responses to interview questions, he pumped me up, and worked with me through my ethical obligations.  It really opened my eyes and I feel incredibly blessed that, at the end of it all, people helped me (re)-learn that I am a good person - a good attorney - wanted, and worthy of that help.

I'm scared, nervous, and excited.  I feel like a kid the night before starting her first day of school.  I have my lunch all packed and my mom and dad bought me a new dress to wear.  It's all laid out, together with my shoes and jewelry.  And the car has been packed last week with all the stuff from my old office.  It's a change, to be sure, but I think (and hope) that it's the right change and the best decision for me and my family.  And, even though I wasn't happy any longer at my old shop, I'm still sad and it's a huge change in the direction I thought my life would go.  Even if it's one I'm happy to make.  I mean, what's the point of being away from the munchkins if I can't tell them - honestly - that I love my job?  Up until a few months ago, I never thought I'd leave my old firm - and it feels weird even saying that.  When I told that to Jeff, he looked at me like I'd sprouted another head.  But, good life lessons all around, again both personally and professionally, and I feel incredibly fortunate to have this new opportunity and adventure before me. 

And now, to switch gears... We got a call about two weeks ago from Jeff's grandpa, telling us that Grandma had decided to enter hospice.  Jeff got on the first flight to Arizona to see her.  Nora and I followed two days later.  Grandma had asked me, a few weeks back, if she'd ever have the opportunity to meet Nora before she passed and so, off we went.  We had debated taking Jack with us, but truthfully, things were much easier without him there.  My parents were gracious enough to take Jack.  And, when I called to check in on him my mom said, "If he keeps acting like this..." At which point I started bracing myself, however she finished up by saying, "I'll never give him back."  I know he had fun with Nana and Boppa, but I know he missed us a lot.  My mom sent me this picture, covered with Guy, doing his iPad.  

In any case, Nora and I boarded a 6:00 a.m. flight to Denver.  We were one of the last people on board and as we were walking down the aisle, I could see people praying, "Please don't let the lady with the baby sit next to me, please don't let the lady with the baby sit next to me."  We were fortunate - even though we were seated in the middle aisle, we ended up in between a man with twelve grandchildren and a father of four.  But Nora was perfect - seriously, she was an angel.

We had to take two flights to get to Las Vegas and, after we got off each one, I bet at least ten people came up to me and told me how well behaved she was - one person even told me that he "loved" my baby.  I beamed like I'd won some kind of award, even though I can't take any credit for her behavior or demeanor.  She charmed, cooed, played, ate, and slept.  And when we got to Vegas, we still had a 2.5 hour car trip ahead of us - and again, she slept the whole way.

In any case, Grandma's house was packed when we finally got there.  There were a number of Jeff's family members that I'd never met and so we spent some time getting acquainted and then Nora and I went back to the hotel room with Jeff to go to sleep - we were all exhausted.  

The next three days were more of the same.  I finally met Jeff's cousin, Mandy, and her daughter, Destynee.  Jeff and I took Destynee out for lunch and a movie on Friday afternoon, which turned into a "girls night" and sleepover.  We got a chick flick, chocolate, and pizza and laid around in the hotel room.  We even took a late-night hot tub.

In any case, we spent most of our time at Grandma and Grandpa's - leaving only when Nora had to take a nap or go to sleep.  We also ate In-n-Out Burger just about every day.  Nora was wonderful with all the new faces.  By the end of the weekend, she was even allowing others to hold her and remove her areas where I was constantly in her line of sight.  

Nora and I came home last Sunday (or rather early Monday morning) and I had to get up and go to work the next (or later that) day.  I dragged my feet through work and was so happy when my mom called to tell me that Jack was reporting that his ear hurt.  When my parents dropped him off, I could hear him shrieking, "MOMMEEEEE!!!!!!  Mommy!  Mommy!  MOMMEEEEEE!!!!" and I picked him up and he wrapped his little arms and legs around me and held me tight, telling me how much he missed me and asking me why I had to go.  It was the best welcome home ever.  So, we went to urgent care where he was diagnosed with an ear infection.  So, the kids and I pulled through McDonald's on the way home and we all called it an early night.  

Jeff didn't come home until Thursday night, so I operated as a single parent all week.  I missed him so much.  So did the kids.  He came home sporting a cowboy hat, which Jack promptly placed on his head, and asked me to take his picture:

Both kids are getting to be so big - Nora is SO close to walking.  She can stand all by herself, unassisted, and she can walk behind her walker.  Still, when I try to get her to take a few steps, she chickens out and sits down, crawling over to me.  She's socializing more at school too - sitting with friends for her meals and snacks and she's starting to try and play with other babies too.

The weekend was pretty mundane, unfortunately.  Not the way I wanted to spend my three days of unemployment.  The weather was crummy, and so we stayed indoors.  On Friday, I left the office for the last time a little early and came home to take care of a few things.  I made dinner, got the kids and we all turned in early.  On Saturday, we had kind of a lazy morning and a late start to the day.  We spent most of the morning in pajamas/diapers:

After we finally started moving, I got things picked up around the house, got the laundry done and we went to the grocery store - finally.  Things were looking woefully barren in the fridge and pantry - similar to the way things look after Uncle Alec comes for a visit.  After naps, the kids and I went to the mall to get the wiggles out.

Afterwards, I asked Jack if he wanted to go for pizza but he didn't (I swear - the only kid that doesn't like pizza) but said that, instead, he wanted to go to McDonald's (surprise).  But, when I pulled up to the drive-thru, he informed me that he preferred to go inside and eat.  So, thats's what we did.  Me, the two kids, and all the vacant-eyed employees.

Yesterday, we woke up and went to church.  I asked Jack if he wanted to go for donuts, but he declined, asking to go BACK to the shopping mall.  So we did.  Same picture, different day.    

We came home for lunch and again, I tried to get Jack go for pizza.  He wanted pancakes.  So, I ordered pizza and made Jack pancakes.  

This morning, the kids and I met a friend and her two girls at the Mall of America - we had planned to go to the zoo, but the weather didn't cooperate.  We had a good time still, going on rides and eating lunch together.  

And the rest of the day was pretty routine.  It's going to be an exciting week, hopefully, and we're going to take my sister's kids this coming weekend.  So, until next time - wish me luck!

      

Mother's Day 2015

Sometimes, I find it ironic that in the traditional sense, Mother's Day is celebrated "family-style" where a brunch is typically had, followed by activities that the kids would usually enjoy.  Father's Day, alternatively, is celebrated by yard work and a nap.  Or just a nap, followed by quiet time for Daddy and golf/sports on the television.  Jeff had been after me earlier in the week, asking what I wanted to do for Mother's Day and I found this pie chart that indicated the majority of women wanted the day off from parenting or uninterrupted sleep.  That's what roughly half asked for.  I don't really know what I think about that.  I suppose there are days where I'd just like to pull the covers over my head, go back to sleep and pretend that I don't have kids, but mostly I think that I've been given two of the most special little people on the planet to watch over and spending time with them is one of my life's greatest joys.    

Actually, the entirety of the chart that I sent to Jeff reflected the fact that moms, all of them, wanted some time to themselves or an opportunity to enjoy things that they like to do.  And I don't really disagree with that, I guess.  For the past three and a half years, I've been so involved in child-rearing, house maintenance and, oh yeah, the practice of law, that I kind of forgot what I like to do with my spare time because I don't have any.  Which seems to be common among all my parental-minded friends.  Reflecting on this, however, I'm actually okay with it.  A colleague once told me that I was in the sweet spot of life and I would tend to agree.  And, honestly, I can't remember what I did with my free time before I had kids.  I suppose I read a lot and I was up-to-date on my television shows; I took the dog to the park frequently, but looking back, there's nothing I wish I still had time for.

I wish I could express how much I love being a mother.  But when I try, I really can't find the words.  At its core, being a parent has some extremely primal elements to it.  I'd protect my children with my life and I know that, without a doubt, I'd go postal on anyone who tried to harm them.  I choose who gets to be involved in their lives and those who I want influencing them.  And I try really hard, every day, to be their role model and a positive impact on the choices they make.  I cry - a lot.  And I worry even more.  I think Sophia Loren said that a parent is never really alone in her thoughts because, in the back of her mind - always - she is thinking of her children.  There is no sacrifice I wouldn't make and no rift I wouldn't mend if it meant a better world for my kids.  Simply put, becoming a mother has been the greatest thing I've ever done - or will ever do.  To me, there is no higher honor.

I don't understand how this isn't a sweeping mentality for parents.  A mother who loves her drugs more than her son, or a father who gives his daughter up because he doesn't want the responsibility.  Or even a parent who chooses personal gain over the welfare of their child.  After I had Jack, I couldn't watch television for a year because I'd sob over all the news stories of neglected children or even story lines on Law & Order where kids were victims.  I don't get how a parent wouldn't do everything in her power to ensure that her children always know that they are loved and supported.  I can't imagine a world where I wouldn't move mountains to repair a rift between me and my children, if one ever existed.  Maybe I'm describing attachment parenting, or maybe I haven't parented enough, but my tiny little family is my whole world and I would fight with every breath I had to keep them safe and to prove, always, that I love them the most.  

And with that essay on motherhood, I tend to cherish Mother's Day more than most other holidays.  Jack understood this year that it was "Mother's Day" but I don't think he knew what that meant.  We went to Target yesterday to return a birthday present I'd gotten for my mom, and he asked me if we were going to get Valentines for Mother's Day.  Uh, not exactly, kid.  Jack and Nora made absolutely adorable presents for me at school - both gave me little paintings/sayings with their hand prints and Jack painted a little flower pot and planted me a sunflower.  Nora "painted" a picture frame for me and her teachers took a picture of her and put it in there:

        

When I went to get the kids on Friday after work, I was all in tears because of how much I love their presents.  Also, I have to laugh at how large Jack's hands are.  Yesterday, I started the morning off in typical maternal fashion - I was laying in bed with Nora, nursing on one side, and Jack on the other arm, asking for a snuggle and help with his iPad.  Jeff called Jack downstairs after a bit and my two boys came back upstairs after a few minutes - one bearing a cup of coffee and the other a little bag.  Jack gave me the bag and exclaimed, "Happy Mother's Day!  I love you!" and then climbed back up onto the bed to resume his iPad activities.  Jeff had gotten me this beautiful little charm bracelet with pink and blue booties and I just love it.  

So anyways, lounging time was short-lived because we all had to get up and get dressed to make it to church on time.  After church, I'd wanted to get some donuts, but by the time we'd made it to Bogart's they were sold out.  So, I took Jeff home and the kids and I went out to run a few errands and then we ended up at McDonald's for some playtime.  I even took Nora into the play equipment - she had fun crawling around in the tunnels and going down the slides with her brother.

After that, we came home to take a nap.  Last night, we headed over to the Newmark's house for a cook-in.  Unfortunately, the weather was crummy, so we had to stay indoors.  Jack had so much fun playing with the girls.  Nora was happy to be passed around among the adults - as long as I wasn't in her line of sight.  However, as soon as she saw me, she started screaming for me to hold her.  We went home around bedtime however, Jack heard the word "ice cream" and he waited patiently until he got a treat at Dairy Queen.  He "ate" his cone on the way home and needed a new pair of pajamas by the time he was done.  So, all in all, Mother's Day was pretty awesome - a really nice day with my kids, which is all I really wanted anyways.  

In any case, Nora had her nine month check-up last week and I can say that today, officially, she's been on the outside longer than she was on the inside.  She had a nasty bilateral ear infection, unfortunately, and I'm suspecting that she'll need tubes before too long.  Still, she was in the 75th percentile for weight and 85th percentile for height, so she's not missing too many meals.  

My sister sent me this video from Grammy Camp last week - she's not that good at swallowing her food, although I've got to give her credit that she actually puts the stuff on her tray into her mouth:

She is such a little sweetheart.  Honestly, the girl just slays me.  Yesterday, I sat down on the couch and she came racing over to me, smiling and squeaking, because she knew I'd pick her up and give her a good cuddle.  She's rather demanding, however, when it's time to eat.  I said last week that, when she sees the high chair tray, she starts squawking and kicking her legs and she grabs onto it and pulls it towards her - like she thinks it'll speed up the process or something.  But, when she wakes up in the morning, she's really cranky until she gets fed.  Jack was never like that.  I used to know Jack was awake because I'd hear him talking to himself in his crib.  I know Nora is awake because she's usually crying and wants to eat.  

Anyways, on Friday, Jeff ended up getting interviewed by Channel 5 news - AGAIN - and so he wasn't home until late.  The kids and I came home, got into our pajamas and had a popcorn party in bed.  On Saturday, we got dressed and went down to Lake Calhoun to meet some of my girlfriends for a walk around the lake.  Jack's friend, Etta, came along and he was so excited to see her.  It was actually pretty cute - he ran up to hug her, give her a kiss, and then they walked around the lake together, exploring or holding hands.  Nora rode along in the wagon and was really excited to just be a part of things and she loved looking at everything on the walk.  Afterwards, we hit up the park to play for a bit and then went to Target.  We came home for naps and then Ms. Gayle came over (one of Jack's teachers) and we went out to dinner with my family to celebrate spring birthdays.  We weren't out all that late, and we got home before Jack was asleep, which was nice.  I went in to give him a kiss and he looked up at me and gave me the biggest smile, hugged me, and told me he was so happy that I was home.  Like I said, that kid melts my heart.  

Today, the kids are at Grammy Camp - or as Jack calls it - Nana/Boppa Day.  As we were going downstairs this morning, he asked if he was going to school and I told him that he was actually going to see Nana and Boppa.  He got really excited and then reprimanded me for not telling him that it was Nana/Boppa Day.  We don't really have much going on this week, which is nice because the back half of my month is crazy.  So, until next time, happy (belated) Mother's Day.

Nine Months

And now, she's nine months old.  I can't believe how awesome this sweet child 'o mine is.  Girlfriend totally rules.  Yesterday, we had some terrible storms in the afternoon and so the kids and I went to the basement to hunker down and wait it out.  While we were down there, we created an obstacle course, played all sorts of games, and messed up all the toys.  In the span of about an hour, I discovered that Nora can stand on her own, without assistance or holding on to anything, she can walk behind her little walker, and she can climb stairs.  I actually just had to call my mother to tell her about Nora's new tricks since the kids are at Grammy Camp today.  Jack was an early walker and I'm pretty sure Nora is going to follow suit.

In any case, the past month has been exciting - we've started on more solid foods and real foods, to boot, as opposed to pureed mush.  She loves pineapples, blueberries, and melon.  Nora also likes applesauce, puffs, and these little yogurt melts I got at Target.  Basically, she just loves food.  We've got her nine month check-up on Thursday and I have a feeling that she's going to be one hefty baby girl.  It's okay - summer is coming up and my arms look fantastic from all the baby heaving I do on a regular basis.

In any case, she's mobile and hungry most of the time - she loves to crawl around the house and explore everything.  Her current favorite things to play with include her socks and shoes, Blue's dishes, the toilet, and anything Jack is using.  Her favorite person in the universe is Mommy, or as Jeff calls me, "that boob lady" and she's most content when she's hanging out with me.  Her brother and Daddy follow at a distant second although they're gaining ground and Nora happens to think that Jack is amazing.  She hates having her diaper changed or getting dressed.  And being ignored.  She likes having people around.  But that's about all that makes her upset.  She is the happiest baby that ever existed.  I love to hear her shrieking in delight and Jeff has taken to calling her Princess von Squeakerstein because she just cruises around the house, squeaking, shrieking, and laughing at everything.

Anyways, last Monday I had shoulder surgery and I took the week off.  I ended up working from home most of the week, however.  Since Jeff and I work in the same office building, it was easy for him to pop over to my office and pick up the things I needed.  The weather was nice, although I didn't really go outside all that much - I stayed indoors, lolled on the couch, and binge watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

On Friday, Jeff was interviewed and on the news, discussing the situation in Baltimore - which is a big deal, but we had to stay up late to watch the entire segment on the 10:00 news.  On Saturday, the kids and I went out for lunch with a few friends to the Play & Learn Cafe.  This place has a pretty cool concept - good food and a place for the kids to roam and play under close adult supervision.  Jack and Nora had a blast playing.  In fact, I think they both lasted five minutes after we got into the car - they fell asleep as soon as we hit the highway.

 
After naps, we went over to ANOTHER friend's house for a housewarming party - it was so nice and it was so fun to see all the kids playing together outside.  And again, they both played so hard that they fell asleep in the car on the way home.  Fortunately, I'd had the foresight to bring their pajamas, so the transition to bed wasn't too bad.

    
Yesterday, we went to church to see Gammy and Gampy - it was my grandpa's birthday.  However, Jack started pitching a fit before we were able to do any celebrating, so the kids and I scooted out of there soon after the service.  Jack righted his behavior soon after we got in the car and asked if we could go for donuts.  There's this place in Uptown that I'd been wanting to try, so we headed over to Bogart's Donuts for some breakfast.  The place is small, but we were able to snag a bench outside.  Nora had a pouch while Jack and I enjoyed our treats and talked about everything going on outside.

They were both happy to be outside with me, I swear.  After that, we went to the park to burn off some of the calories we'd consumed.  Jack had so much fun playing - we drove past the park this morning on the way to Grammy Camp and Jack thought we were going back to play.  Poor kid.  Nora had a blast too.  She hung out with me for a little bit, and we sat and watched Jack play on the big kid stuff, and then she and I went over to the little tots area - she had so much fun exploring.  She's also quite the daredevil - loved the swings.

After the park, we needed to run to the store to pick up a few things and Jack wanted to grab lunch at Target.  However, the kids only lasted about three minutes before they both passed out, so I ended up driving aimlessly around while the two of them napped.  We hit up McDonald's for some lunch after Jack woke up and then, when we got home, he wanted to go back to sleep.  Fine by me.  Nora and I cleaned up the house, got things ready for the week and called to check up on Gammy Arizona.  We were talking to her for about twenty minutes and, all of a sudden, the sky turned pitch black, the temperature in the house dropped about tend degrees and there was a HUGE clap of thunder.  Jack came tearing downstairs just as the heavens opened up.  There was wind, there was rain, and there was hail.  Nora found it fascinating.

So, the kids and I went downstairs to play - like I said, we made an obstacle course, we played board games, and we watched the weather.  Nora had so much fun playing in the basement with her brother.

Like I said, she thinks he's totally awesome and just loves being a part of anything he's doing.  I also showed her how to use some of the other toys - which is how I discovered that she can "walk" and stand unassisted.

Can you tell she's totally digging all that the basement has to offer?  Fortunately, the worst of the storm passed quickly, so we finished up the night with supper and snuggles.  I went back to work today, although I'm already tired and I've only been here for a little more than two hours.  Jack's finger continues to heal - we've had to change the bandage now, several times.  But yesterday, at the store, I found these little finger condoms - seriously, that's exactly what they look like - that just roll down over the finger.  He's got a little splint too, so this morning, we put the splint on, rolled the little rubber condom down over it and the protective wrapping, taped it to his middle finger and sent him packing.  He seems to be a lot happier with this arrangement.  Jack has spent the past week holding his left hand in the air.  He's actually very protective of it, which would wouldn't really expect, given how dirty his dressing has been every day.  Jack was actually pretty emotional at school last Tuesday, and I would expect that it probably had something to do with the fact that he was still hurting.

That's his favorite teacher, Ms. Danie - he knows how to work her over for an extra cuddle here and there.  But, by the end of the week, he seemed to perk up.

Have I mentioned how much that kid loves to play outside?  Sometimes I get worried about how much time he watches television or plays with the iPad, but I'm always comforted by the fact that, if given the chance, he'd always rather be outside playing.  His favorite thing to do, currently, is find anything he can to throw in the pond.  I think the game is to find the thing that will make the biggest splash.  Seriously, this is all that he talks about.  Yesterday at Bogarts, he made me take home three different rocks.  And he collected a few more at the park too.  As we were driving around, he had to inspect each rock and hypothesize about the size of the splash each one would make.  When we got home, I had to line them all up to throw in the pond and he informed me of the size of the splash each rock made.

In addition to the constant inquisition from this kid, he's also a total riot - without ever meaning to be.  I'm not really sure what he thinks about on a daily basis, but it must be weird.  It takes some time to get acclimated to "Jack Speak" and if you haven't spent time around him that day, for example, you probably don't know what he's talking about.  For example, when I called my mom this morning, he got on the phone and told me he got to be the lion today.  But, in real life, he was telling me that he got to use the lion water bottle at Grammy Camp.  Or yesterday, when Jeff got home, Jack was telling him about the different "splashes" and Daddy had no idea what Jack was talking about until I interpreted it for him.  This morning, Jack told me that Nora and I were "delicate flowers" and that he was a "superhero" but wasn't sure which one.  Even though he's kind of a weirdo, he's just about the sweetest little boy in the world.  He came into the bedroom yesterday morning, crawled up on the bed and positioned himself next to me so he could be snuggled.  He didn't say a word, just cuddled right in to me and laid there while I kept dozing.  When we were at lunch with our friends on Saturday, he made sure that everyone was taken care of - sharing cupcakes and helping the little girls with various playthings.

I'm not sure what we are going to do this weekend - I may take the kids and get together with a few friends on Saturday morning and we've got a sitter coming on Saturday night.  It is, of course, Mother's Day, and maybe I'll make the family take me out for brunch on Sunday.